buy american.

we’re the land of the

free for the first six months

with an eighteen point nine apr thereafter

we’ve got

operators lined up to take yr calls

we’ve got

girls girls girls

land of the four ninety five a minute

please give generously

we’ll throw in one big melting pot

slightly cracked

but still in working order

now how much wld u pay?

act now

we’ll throw in a twenty-one gun salute

and the right to bear arms

this is my rifle this is my gun

this is for business and this is for fun


land is my land and your land

with white houses and purple mountains majesty

red white and blue songs

sung by lee greenwood

we’re offering the american dream

and a slice of the american pie

get yr love american style

with real american beauty

we’ve got

mickey mouse and superman

we’ve got

memorials you want memorials we got em

available in

lincoln memorial

jefferson memorial

washington monument

statue of liberty

mount rushmore

liberty bell

and we’ll even throw in a vietnam wall

if you like spacious skies and amber waves of grain

then this is the country for you

we’ve got

a bill of rights version two point oh

and fresh new dollar bills

sponsored by bill gates

and we’ll bill you later

after your trial run

our trials practically run themselves

cuz yr innocent until proven guilty

we’ve got trials of the century

holding court on court tv

or mtv no empty rhetoric just the

red white and blue stars and stripes

and civil rights

which have the right to remain silent

and we’ll even throw in homegrown crack pipes and stereotypes

but wait there’s more

you’ll get elvis presley singing the star spangled banner with britney spears

you’ll get blood sweat and tears from lynchings and riots

we’ve got

crooked cops and fixed elections

we’ve got

medicinally enhanced erections

we’ve got witness protection like goodfellas

we’ve got a few good men

who can’t handle the truth we’ve got

truths that we hold to be self-evident

we’ve got zapruder films and incriminating evidence erased from 18 minutes of tape

god’s blessed us

and shed his grace on us

from sea to shining sea

see the ten percent who own it all and the

ninety percent brainwashed to believe that

the malls are our churches and

the internet solves all yr problems

and if it’s popular it must be good

we’ve got

every religion race and sexual preference

stacked like sardines shouting


we set the standard we

set the prices we

set ourselves up to be knocked down

with one hand on our hearts pledging allegiance

and the other holding a playstation controller

and one foot in the door

and a head for business cuz our jobs are on the line


even our depressions are great

where else can uncle sam fk aunt jemima

and then send her to the back of the bus

we went from hands across america to

arms across south central

red vs. blue. vs, white

roe vs. wade

plessy vs. ferguson

brown vs. board of education

we’re so bored of education that we pay our teachers less

so we can pass the savings on to you

and if you’re american you decide who needs saving

so satisfy that craving for flag-waving

in america.

just do it.


yr thirst.

it’s the real thing.


buy into it.